More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
