apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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