yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
