Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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