When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
