Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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