I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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