its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
