Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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