oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
