So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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