The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He passed out mid-signature
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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