He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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