those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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