In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
