i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
