this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A bitchslap is in order.
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