I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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