And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?