I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
