y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
