I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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