I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
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