If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
