I hate all girls vehemently.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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