Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
