just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
