I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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