please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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