are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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