Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Houston, we have a squirter
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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