yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
