Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wanna go halves on a baby?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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