Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
