He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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