he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
