I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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