PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
