I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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