I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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