im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
