i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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