This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
soo... how was my night?
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