another moral hangover. fuck.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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