i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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