I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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