R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
