he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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