help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
