if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
