Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
