I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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