How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.