He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.