So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.