I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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