: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.