I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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