R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.