this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.