How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode