okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
