I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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