you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
