1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
