It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
