My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
