My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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