Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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