I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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