I didn't shave. On purpose
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is Oprah even human
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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