what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
