so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He better not be in your backpack
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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