I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
