Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
