My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
