the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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