Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he thought i was a dude.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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