brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
