Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
