Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
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I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
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