she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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