Jerry, you need to find god
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
