i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
