My Higher Power is John Stamos
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
