My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
