So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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