but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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