You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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