she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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