were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
